I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
