i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Me too!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
