Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i've created a new STD.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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