Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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