By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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