I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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