she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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