i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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