Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
