Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
