i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
