i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
