just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
