you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
