My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
