I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
