I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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