Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
