a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
