I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
