Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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