If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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