please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
