oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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