The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
