I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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