Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
