Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
