Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
