Say something about gay babies.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
