I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just high enough for therapy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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