I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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