well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
