just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at about main and main street
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
