Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
