I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
