I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
