Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
