she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
