You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
