just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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