I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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