i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
