Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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