New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
