I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
