This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
