when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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