omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
