This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
