you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
