was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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