come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
