; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
