I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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