just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
