we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
